Pay Off

When I was twenty years old I took the biggest risk of my life.  I met this boy, he had this great strut and his presence could be felt over fifty feet away.  I couldn't stop my stare.  We talked it up for hours.  Talked about who we wanted to be someday and who we thought God might be.
I wanted to forget him.  I wanted to be able to just walk away like I always did and just forget him.
I didn't.  I couldn't.  So, I broke all of my unwritten rules and married him as a kid - huge risk, the ultimate risk.
Now, eighteen years after being drawn to the swagger and the holes in his jeans, I still can't forget him.
He seems to keep stealing my heart, my affection - my attention.  He has most of me.  More honestly, he created the portions I am most proud of about myself.  Discipline, taking risks, making me fight for authenticity - he coached and enamored, I listened.
When I was a little girl I thought that love was a wicked fairytale that ended poorly.  The story took you to love's bliss and just before the happily ever after came the army of ruin demolished the concept of love.
That isn't true.
Marriage isn't a fairytale.  Marriage is knowing you can't forget the person you love.  It is that sense of loss that can even bring tears to your eyes if you even dream or imagine something happening to him.
I took a huge risk, but the real risk would have been the horrible life of wondering how he could go on without me.

Thank you, Brian, for not making me find out what life would have been like without you :)