The Discipline of Forgiveness

I am standing on the side of the basketball court with my notebook writing down each play that our sweet, little 3rd Grade girls team is executing.  With each volley of plays up and down the court, I see the girls look to their coach to make sure they know what they are to do and then immediately look to their parents in the stands to get an approving or encouraging look.
One of those plays was my precious, tall, but uncoordinated gal.  She has worked out a reward system with her daddy for her rebounds.  So, naturally, when she surprises even herself with a fantastic rebound, her eyes instantly focus on dad and the energy between them can be felt even from the sidelines.  Her face remains glowing throughout the rest of the game.
As an observer of the human plot, I am flooded with a gratitude for having my own family.  As a child of divorce, multiple divorces, the thought of having a family of three, all with the same last name is like holding the winnings of a lottery ticket.  It seems so undeserved.  Yet, I know when my odds were greatly increased - the day Brian and I made the act of forgiveness a discipline verses a theory.
Lots of couples believe in the theory of forgiveness.  It is probably one of the most talked about characteristics of marriage discussed in any type of marriage counseling or church study for couples.  But a discussion as a theory falls incredibly short of the actual discipline of doing it frequently with a person who is in your world and in your space more often than not.
I was once told that I could forgive a person not asking for forgiveness by choosing to throw them out of my head and heart and of course after the "Boundaries" course, out of my life.  This concept is forgiveness as a theory.  The theory clearly being, "out of sight, out of mind."
This theory is not feasible in marriage.
Brian and I both recognize that our face alone at times will bring to remembrance a serious grievance.  So, what do you do with that?  A walking reminder smack dab in front of your face.
So, how do you combat that?
We believe with your thoughts.  When the story of grievance pops into your head you dismiss it immediately.  I have always chosen to say, "not helpful" the minute an ill thought of a past story creeps in.  Why?  Because it isn't helpful.  Yesterday is not today and to create drama today instead of enjoying what is available today is just simply - unreasonable and not helpful.
Keeping this strict discipline of thought allows both parties to address what is only present, not diving into past mistakes.  It also allows for the moments of unhindered joy.  Not a, "this is great, considering..."
Just in the moment - appreciation and joy.
My daughter is far from the best player on the team, but she has a gift that many children today do not have - a family.